Look Out, Mayberry!

Oh, Taj MaHellions...so much to tell you!  I suppose that's what happens when you take a nearly four-month sabbatical from writing anything more challenging than a grocery list. 

In the past few months, we've survived Christmas, rung in a brand new year, eaten way too much Valentine candy and made plans to MOVE TO THE TAJ MAHELL.  Full-time, beyotches! 

Seems Shawn got on the radar of a corporate headhunter and his pointy little head (it truly IS pointy) got hunted.  The new job is about 50 minutes southeast of the Taj, so we will temporarily relocate there and plan a move closer to his work once our Gilligan's Island house has sold.  That should take a while, since we haven't finished the to-do list to even get it on the market.  Gee, I should start a whole new blog and then forget to write about the Gilligan renovations!  Or...maybe not.

So anyway, I know I've been MIA and both of the people who look at this blog have given up on it, but I'm planning to actually pick it up again and detail not only the remaining renovation of the Taj MaHell, but also my descent into madness as I attempt to live in a town that doesn't have a Target.  Or a mall.   Or baseball.  Or liquor-by-the-drink.  Think "wine margaritas", y'all...and FEEL MY PAIN!

On the good side, our entire demented extended family lives within minutes of the Taj, so we'll be able to drive them nuts with our shenanigans.  And possibly also get some free baby-sitting.

Mayberry-bound in 10 days.  Asylum-bound in 11.

Nothing died. That's good, right?

I have been a total slacker on the blog-posting front lately.  Now that progress on the Taj has slowed to a crawl, there's just not much to talk about.  (Not that that's ever stopped me!)

Our next Taj project will be to get a refrigerator.  Not exactly glamorous, but the tiny cube dorm fridge we borrowed from the neighbors isn't working long-term.  The space we have for a refrigerator is an inch shorter than the standard height of a side-by-side and we really don't want to trash the big upper cabinets.  We found a slightly smaller scale side-by-side at Lowe's, so that's the plan.

The only other big project we have on tap for the Taj is to take down a diseased oak tree and get a pool cover.  Sadly, the pool itself won't make the project list this year, but maybe next year, we'll be swimming in a sparkling oasis and remembering the "bad old days" when we had to sweat all summer like the little people.  I can dream, right?!

This Taj trip was mostly about family.  Tank and I scooted up here on Thursday because Cousin Boo was in a talent show.  The Mayberry Arts Council put on a Grand Ole Opry themed talent extravaganza and Boo sang "I'll Fly Away".  She did beautifully and was a huge hit.  On Friday, we had another cousin's birthday to attend and then yesterday, the Farm Maven's youngest had her 6th birthday party.  Tank had a great weekend...he was spoiled by Mimi and Papa while I went to the talent show, then he got to go out to Shawn's brother's farm for a birthday party.  Yesterday, he had a whole afternoon of playing with cousins and running around like a crazed, sugared-up monster.  It was great!  So great that he couldn't settle down enough to sleep last night and was lying in bed, whispering softly to himself as he recounted the amazing adventures of the day.

But, even on a family adventure weekend, I can usually find a project or two!  I went by my favorite junk store on Friday and scored a couple of finds:

A somewhat sad looking little toy box/bench.

A cheap, red storage unit on casters.

After some sanding and painting, the formerly red unit is now black and holds laundry detergent in the master bath:

The toy bin/bench just has the base coat on it.  I'm still debating what to do to dress it up, but I'm leaning towards painting some sailboats on it.  The great thing is, it can be repainted and revamped to match whatever we end up doing with Tank's room in Mayberry!

Well, that's it for now.  I may tackle one other project this trip, or I may just take it easy and then head back to Gilligan's Island this afternoon.

Later....

Life's a Bowl of Chairies

Quick update from the Taj before Tank and I head back to the coast tomorrow.

The Smell:  gone!  The Pest Dude's suggestion to run a box fan at the access door under the house worked like a charm.  So did the cheap box fan I bought years ago at Fred's and that we have severely abused.  The latest indignity was being run outside during a thunderstorm to get Possum Stank out from under the house. 

Projects:  none!  Well, that's not entirely true.  I did pick up a neat chair and repainted it.  My sister in law is the handiest human being in the world and she spotted this chair at a local junk store and texted me a picture.  When I said I liked it, she picked it up for me and this weekend, I finally got it from her and slapped some paint on it.  I thought it did pretty well:

Before

After

I also found this fun old phone at a Mayberry antique store.  At $50 it was a splurge, but a good bit cheaper than the ones I had found on ebay.  Shawn and I had thought it would be nice to have a phone around the same vintage as the house and put it on the built-in telephone table in the hallway.  This one STILL WORKS!  Tank had fun playing with the rotary dial...probably the only one he'll ever see!

"Pennsylvania 6500, please!"

It's pretty late now and Tank's been waking up early the last few days, so I am barely dragging around. 

Hopefully the next Taj trip will see a bit more progress than just a painted chair!

Give Up The Funk*

Oh, Lordy.  Where to start?

Since my last post, I've spent some time navel-gazing and coming to terms with the definitive end of my relationship with my father.  As long as we were both kicking around this old world, the possibility existed that one day we might come to some sort of cessation of hostilities.  With that option gone, there were some things I needed to work through.  So, I took a break from things for a while and dealt with all that stuff and now I'm feeling more like myself.  I'll leave you to decide whether that's a good thing or not.

Today was the annual training/meeting/get-together for the staff of the adoption agency where I work part-time.  The meeting was about 2.5 hours from Gilligan's Island and about 45 minutes from the Taj MaHell, so Tank and I drove up yesterday and spent the night.

But it wasn't quite as simple as that.  Oh, but no.

As soon as I got out of the car at the Taj, I smelled it.  That unmistakable smell of "somethin' dead."  Urgh.  The cloying scent of rotting animal flesh was everywhere.  Tank and I investigated and determined the general area of the crawlspace under the Taj where something had met its end.  I couldn't actually see anything and there was NO WAY I was going to crawl under there.  My unbelievably wonderful in-laws came over and helped try to locate the carcass, but we still couldn't see anything.  I went to bed last night in a stinky house and slept fitfully, waking up every hour or so to remember I once heard that your sense of smell is directly linked to your sense of taste...so that anything you smell has crossed your tastebuds for processing.  All night long, then, I was tasting something dead.  Yum.

This morning, I was up before the sun, getting ready to teach a couple of short sessions at our meeting ( and feeling really unprepared and anxious).  Just when I was about to wake Tank up to take him to Farm Maven's for the day, I realized I'd locked my keys in the Jeep.  OHMYFREAKINSTARS.

Frantic phone calls ensued:
To Shawn:  couldn't get him to answer
To the Farm Maven:  she sent Diamond Dave to come get Tank but didn't have a spare automobile for me to take to the training
To the City of Mayberry Police: whose non-emergency line was unmanned for another hour
To My Inlaws:  who brought me a car and who also discussed the issue with a local City of Mayberry police officer...and that officer later came to the house, unlocked the Jeep and stowed the keys away for me
To the Farm Maven: again and again, because I got lost on the way to the meeting and had to get her to Map Quest my sorry butt

By the end of the day, I'd managed to teach the sessions, had received several texts and photos from the Farm Maven documenting Tank's Excellent Farm Adventures, had an unlocked Jeep (at no charge!), and had returned Papa's car, with a full tank of gas and my undying devotion. 

In the meantime, Shawn had been working hard from Gilligan's Island.  He called a  Mayberry pest company who told him they did not do dead animal removals, but after hearing that I was here alone with a little one, the Very Nice Pest Dude came out, crawled under the extremely stinky house and emerged with one very large, very dead possum.  Well worth the $90 I had to pay him.

And now I'm just sitting in the den, with approximately 900 scented candles burning (now it smells like a flower pooped out a dead animal, but you take what you can get).  Tank is snoozing peacefully in his bed, worn out from a day of hard play with his cousins.  My Jeep key is safely in my pocket and I don't have to worry about power point presentations or flop sweat again for a while.

All in all, this day served as another reminder that life in Mayberry definitely has its advantages.

Yes, I have had some really bad times with some of the members of my original family.  But I am so lucky to have the family that I do have, and so grateful that my husband's family has been so welcoming, so kind and supportive...and so delightfully insane!

Wow.  What a rotten, smelly, wonderful day!


(*we don't call the Taj run-down and funky for nothing!)

Everybody Lived

Whew.

We're back at Gilligan's Island, as of last night.  Had a fun, busy, stressful, exhausting Christmas, what with family get-togethers, Taj work and moving!

We did actually make it into the house on the 23rd and spent our first night there.  It felt pretty weird, especially since there were no window coverings in the whole house.  Kinda like sleeping in a fishbowl, but luckily there aren't any line-of-sight neighbors, so nobody got an unwelcome peep show.

We still have to move things and tweak it a bit, but most of our stuff is in and it's starting to look like something!  I've learned a few things, too:
--those bathroom light+fan+heater things are The Bomb! 
--3-year-olds do not transition easily into new homes, even after 6 months of prep work
--only crazy people move at Christmas


So, anyhow.  We survived.  We still need to move the remaining small stuff from Uncle Todd's Cabin, but we are close to being done there and that will be the end of the 3 utility bills per month!
Photos below, but first a Christmas recap:  Michael was given lots of great presents, all of which he liked and will enjoy.  Nobody went too overboard, which was wonderful.  Michael is already richly blessed with crazy family and bad parents, so we try not to overdo the gift-giving!

In addition to some other things, Shawn gave me a Keurig coffee maker, rendering me twice as caffeinated in half the time.  Obviously, nobody pointed out to him the faulty logic there.

Okay, so on to the Taj photos.  Bear in mind that it's still a work in progress!

Tank's Room:

We've got to put some blinds up in there and make better use of the space, but I thought the paint color turned out pretty nicely.  I have a vinyl tree decal to put in there, too, but ran out of time this trip.  Note the toy organizer we scored off a neighbor who was tossing it.  We won't tell Tank it's girly colors if you don't!

 

 The living room, after the tree was down.  Santa had the train running around the tree when Michael woke up on Christmas morning.

The den fireplace, which works perfectly (nice surprise there!)

 

Best pal/Gilligan next door neighbor came up on Monday and presented the boys with Big Guy and Little Guy caps.  Little Guy looks deranged...he may have been in the Keurig.

After a sizeable SNAFU on Thursday, we finally got the washer and dryer hooked up on Tuesday.  I did about 7 loads of clothes, since everything was dirty by then.  LOVE my new LGs!

 

I'll take more photos next trip, after we move things around to suit us better.

I'm just glad we made it in time to celebrate Christmas there.  Everything else will work itself out!

Hope you all had a great Christmas and that 2012 is very, very good to you!

Why I'm Probably Under Surveillance Right Now

Actual conversation between me and the Sainted Singing Plumber:



SSP:  That sure looks nice, but you can't move in yet.

Me:  Yeah, I know.  Clint, the Christmas-Stealing Grinch at the City of Mayberry said we had some more things to do...

SSP:  *Sympathetic noise*

Me:  ...and that's why I killed him.

SSP:  ????

Me:  He's buried under that stupid pool cover he insisted we get.  So, anyway, if you smell something, it's Clint.

SSP:  Um, yeah, well...ahem...we'll just get the rest of our stuff done by Friday and you'll be good to go.  You can dig up Clint and get him to sign off on it.

Me:  Cool.

SSP:  You ought to think about being a comedian.

Me:  It's cute that you think I'm kidding.

I Came, I Saw, I Taj-ed

We're all back at Gilligan's Island now, after spending the weekend in Mayberry.  We did some work at the Taj, but since yesterday was Tank's birthday, this trip was mostly about seeing family and celebrating the Big Boy turning THEE!

We had lots of fun with family on Saturday, when we had a small gathering for cake, ice cream and presents.  Shawn and I decorated Uncle Todd's Cabin with Spanish moss I brought from the yard of our church (with permission, I swear!!) and gators, frogs and turtles.  No snakes, though.  I know they live in the swamp, too, but Mama does not decorate with snakes.  I share Samuel L. Jackson's attitude about them.

Anyway, it was a great party and Farm Maven and I managed to create a passable gator out of yellow cake and chocolate frosting.  Farm Maven baked an oval cake, a large loaf pan cake and two small loaves and we hacked them to bits and pinned them together with frosting and toothpicks until we had a decent alligator. 

Tank got lots of great toys that he is still enthralled by...made the drive home very pleasant, except for the UNRELENTING NOISE of the Leapfrog Leapster that his daddy got him.  "K says kuh.  Kangaroo!"  "I says Imma throw that thing out the window in a minute!"

As for the Taj, we were thrilled to find that the Very Nice Electrician has done probably 90% of the work there.  Almost all the receptacles are redone, and nearly all the switches.  The new lights are installed downstairs, but we still need the new upstairs overhead lights run and a light in the living room, which currently has no overhead.  Very Nice Electrician has been swamped with work, so we had told him it was fine to fit us in as he could.  Looks like he has been doing that, and has done a great job.

We need to get the plumber to return our calls and then we'll be making some real progress!

While we were there this weekend, we did work some in the yard and I stripped the wallpaper of the hallway bath walls and began patching the plaster cracks in there.  Bit by bit, it's becoming more the house it has the potential to be.

Or maybe I'm just delirious from all the Gator Cake.

Til next time...
me

You Better Knock-Knock-Knock on Wood

(but not too hard, because the wood is probably water damaged or full of termites)


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That sound you hear is me, beating my head against the wall.

It's been a long day at the Taj, my friends.  And by "long day," of course, I mean, "holycrapwhathaveIdonethisisthedumbestideaEVER."

For starters, we arrived last night to a Taj without electricity.  Ever the hopeless romantic, I assumed that meant that the Really Nice Electrician had killed the power to get started.  So, I wandered around with a weak flashlight and saw....nothing.

No electrical work.

We had intended to drag some junk down to the street for trash pickup this morning, but we didn't have enough light to do it and things were too dangerous with Tank running around anyway...there are nails, sharp broken boards and who knows what else, just waiting to kill us all.

This morning we learned that the City of Mayberry had cut off the power for non-payment.  Despite the fact that we signed up for automatic bill pay through Wells Fargo.  Apparently, their slogan of "Together, We'll Go Far" doesn't extend as far as Mayberry.  So, we had to go to the city utility office and pay $25 to get the power back on.  I'd like to mention that Shawn was having a duck fit the WHOLE time...so, THAT was fun.  Thank the Lord I just happened to have my checkbook with me.  I don't use checks at all anymore, but the City of Mayberry only takes cash and checks...no credit.  So, I dutifully wrote out the check for twenty-five-stinkin'-dollars while Shawn developed an ulcer.

Later, we got busy tearing out the @(#*%^ shower that tried to kill me on the last trip.  Behind the fiberglass shower we found a TON of mold.  Hooray.  Because we love mold and were SO hoping we'd find some.  The walls were already coming down to the studs, but I am still not happy with the mold situation.  We'll have to do everything cautiously, with the special masks and LOTS of bleach.

After those fiascos, we decided to do a dry-fit of the fabulous new-to-us pedestal sink, only to learn that it DOES NOT FIT.  The door opens into the bathroom and there isn't enough clearance.  The door won't open because the edge of the BEAUTFUL sink is in the way.  I could have cried. 

This was one of those days when nothing goes right.  We did get a good bit done late in the day, but it was a series of frustrations first.

Oh, well.  The Really Nice Electrician is coming next week, we hope, and from that point on, maybe the Taj will begin to get BETTER instead of just WORSE.

So far, it's a bust, but tomorrow is another day and I am sure things will look brighter.
Hope your day went better...

And you thought I was an exotic dancer...

Believe it or not, I'm BACK in Mayberry!  We drove from Mayberry to Gilligan's Island Monday evening and on the way, I got a call from a birthmom I had worked with almost a year ago.  She had decided to parent her baby and left the adoption program.  Well, long story short, she called Monday and said she could not take care of her now 7-month-old daughter any more and wanted to place her for adoption.

We did the paper work yesterday afternoon and late last night, I was on the road with both Tank and the baby.  Because the birthmom had not selected a family yet, the baby went to stay with one of our fantastic temporary care families.  Unfortunately, the only one available was about 6 hours from Gilligan's Island.  These wonderful folks met me at 10:00 last night to get the baby and take her home and love on her for a few days, until the new family can come.

If you don't know a whole lot about domestic adoption, here's a very simplified snapshot:  in Georgia, a birth parent signs legal surrenders to their child and then has ten days to revoke those surrenders.  Because birth parents do frequently revoke, many adoptive families elect not to travel from other states and meet the baby, begin bonding, etc., until the ten days are up and they know the baby is free for adoption.  In this case, we haven't even contacted a family yet, because the mom needs to select the family she wants.  Because this baby is 7 months old, some families will not be open to her: they want a newborn.  Which is their loss, because this little pumpkin is ADORABLE!

Anyway, back to Domestic Adoption for Newbies:  Typically, when a mother places her child for adoption, a lack of support from the father is one of the main reasons.  So, the birth mother usually makes the adoption plan, contacts the agency and selects the adoptive family.  Once the mother's ten day revocation period is up, the agency contacts the birth father.  He can voluntarily surrender his rights, like the birth mother, or he can simply ignore the papers he is served and if he doesn't make any move to fight the adoption, his rights will be terminated in court after a lengthy process.  The other option is for him to gain custody of the baby.  This last option is the one that is most rare.  Nothing against all the great dads out there, but sadly there are many men who aren't the least bit interested in the children they father.  I've worked with some birth mothers whose ex-boyfriends threatened to fight an adoption, but when it came to committing time, money and energy to showing a judge that they would be good parents, they didn't follow through.

Whew.  Long-winded explanation of one of my jobs, huh?

I didn't want this blog to be about my work in the adoption field, but the truth is, there's a lot of misinformation and prejudice out there related to families created through adoption.  So, I'm violating my own blogging rule and opening that door.  I'd rather answer questions and try to offer some information than have more folks walking around with antiquated ideas of adoption and "baby-stealing."

     ****************************************************************************************

So, anyway, since I had to meet the wonderful people who will be caring for the baby, I ended up driving 3 hours from Gilligan's Island.  I just re-packed my clothes and Tank's and brought him with me and we came on the rest of the way to Mayberry...it's only about 40 minutes from where I met the family.  I'll try to maybe meet another plumber or get some small project scratched off the list while I'm here.

Luckily, my OTHER job was very nice about this emergency and I am able to just go back to the island on Saturday and handle what I need to do there.

More later, but I am too pooped to write much at the moment.

New & Improved Taj! Now with 30% More Dust and Debris!

Monday morning in Mayberry and I am taking advantage of a few quiet moments before the boys get up.  We'll head back to Gilligan's Island later today, so it's going to be a busy day, trying to wrap up all the projects we can before leaving.

Shawn, along with his dad and his brother, tore out the bonus room ceiling on Friday morning.  It didn't take them long...sledge hammers seemed to do the trick pretty well.  Once all the drywall, foam insulation and fiberglass insulation were down, the rest of the family (Shawn's stepmom, sister in law and your truly) joined in for the huge cleanup.  About 45 big bags of debris are waiting for pickup at the curb now.  Our neighbors love us.  Not.

 

Because sweating our hineys off in the un-air conditioned bonus room was not enough fun, Shawn and his brother decided to take down the enormous limb that reached from the pecan tree in our front yard, across the driveway and halfway across the yard of the house next door.  It really needed to come down, but I could have cried when they announced their plan.  Seriously.  How much sweat can one body generate in a day?

But, it's done and we won't have to worry about it any more.  So, yay!

We also bought a sump pump and had drained the pool almost completely (we'd had it within a foot or two, but then it rained a good bit last week).  Late yesterday afternoon, it was beginning to dry out, but then of course we got a massive thunderstorm last night, so I guess we'll be pumping water again today before we leave. 

There were other little projects, like finally figuring out where the weird den closet meets the master bedroom closet...that might enable us to bust through and make a big (albeit awkwardly shaped) master closet.  Storage is sexy.

And we're still struggling with a better layout for the master bath.  General Handydude suggested an exterior-mounted tankless water heater, but we didn't really like that idea, especially since we will not be here full-time and we worry about freezing in the winter.  Freezing.  Ha!  At 9:00 last night, I looked at the Jeep thermometer and it read 96.  Hard to believe that in a few months, I will be complaining about the cold!

Anyway, that's the scoop for now.  Since I missed out on pictures of the last big Tree Debris Pile, I made sure to snap a few of this trip's Tree Debris, plus the forty-odd bags of ceiling debris.  I bet we get a Christmas card from the City of Mayberry guys who have to pick this stuff up.

Goodbye, Ceiling!

Shawn's brother surveys the scene.

We ran out of bags!

Taj Pile-O-Trash

One limb.  Repeat:  ONE limb.

Fortunately, you can't see the blue toilet in back of the bags.

Not a very good photo, but you can sort of see the limb stretchign across the driveway to the house on the right.

And another shot, this time with no limb!

Well, that's all the fabulousness I have for you today.  Off to get some work done and then head back to the coast.

Live from the Taj MaHell (sorta)

Wow...long time, no see!

I just got back last night from six days in Mayberry and what an adventure it was!  First and foremost, let me say that life in Mayberry may have its flaws, but so far, doing business with Berryites is a dream, compared to trying to get anything done here island-style.

Tank and I drove down last Thursday and stopped off at Uncle Todd's Cabin, turned on the A/C and headed over to the Taj.  Tank wasn't thrilled with being at the Taj, which was a surprise since he'd been so nuts about it before.  So, we stayed only a little while and then headed back to the cabin, where it was STILL 86 degrees inside.  We stripped to all but the essentials and tried to get some sleep.  The Cabin A/C was working, but apparently it has just been so hot that the house absorbed a ton of heat and it took about 6 hours to cool it down.  The next morning, we met the City of Mayberry inspector at the Taj and learned the many things that must be done to pass inspection:

--fill in or clean out and cover the pool
--trim all branches back from the house
--fix all holes in floors or walls
--bring electric up to code
--bring plumbing up to code

I nodded and made notes, thinking the whole time, "In 90 days?  Are you sh*tting me?!?!"

But then things just started to fall in place.  By the time Shawn, Tank and I left yesterday afternoon, we had been the beneficiaries of goodwill from two neighbors, two FANTASTIC City of Mayberry electrical workers, two of the nicest, most long-suffering A/C repairmen I've ever met and kind-hearted souls at all levels of city government.  Except maybe for the dude who made me pay $90 for a building permit.  But I guess maybe that's just his job.  We'd more than conquered the branches on the house, drained all but a little water out of the pool (we'll begin digging leaves out next trip, when hopefully they have dried and are less heavy), and we got the heating and air conditioning unit functioning (for $1100, but we also learned it is a VERY good 5-ton unit that will more than suffice for many years to come).

The roofer is coming next week to begin and we've already had one electrician come out and look at the job; we'll get his bid next week, more than likely.  We'll talk to another electrician and a plumber or two, then select the ones we want and get them going.  So far, we've been pleasantly surprised by the costs we've been quoted and have received several good recommendations from different sources, for the same contractors.  So, there, mean dude who made me pay for a building permit and also looked at me like I was a nut job when I said I was my own general contractor for this job.  I poop on your grave!

And outside of all the paid pros who made life so much easier for us, there was family in abundance!  Papa helped Shawn in the Taj yard until I though they would both collapse from heat stroke; Mimi fed us Fourth of July dinner and helped locate good local labor sources; Grandmother and Aunt Bebbie babysat Tank so that Shawn and I could try to kill ourselves working in the heat and Aunt Farm Maven fed Tank and me so full of fresh-from-the-garden veggies that we should be healthy for months to come, even if we subsist entirely on pizza and chips.  Tank's sweet cousin Rebecca also babysat and was a tremendous success, with not so much as a whimper from the little man, who usually protests quite a bit at not having Mama at hand!  We also had generous offers of painting and other help from Uncle Todd's bride Sandi and Uncle Todd himself helped me get through the experience with his medical expertise and the recommendation of steroid therapy and stronger muscle relaxers.

All in all, we had some very pleasant surprises and I think we left from our first work days feeling that this is, in fact, doable.

But now it's back to the reality of Gilligan's Island and the tons of work that piled up in my absence.  More soon, along with the first in-progress photos, I promise!

That sound you hear is me sighing.  Loudly.  There may also be some melodrama going on.

Still no news on the Taj MaHell closing.  With nothing else Taj-related to do today, I sat down and started estimating some of the repair costs.  Within a few minutes, even the ends of my hair hurt and I was convinced we were headed straight for the Poor House.  I have no idea what the Poor House is, but my mother always said that's where we were trying to put her when we'd ask for "what everybody is wearing".

Later, I went over the numbers with Shawn and came to a realization:  it's really not that bad, not in the grand scheme of things.  The Taj has tremendous potential, enough that we really got excited about working to bring some of that potential to light in the first place.  I love the idea of taking something old and neglected and polishing, painting and repairing it back to beauty.  And yeah, it's going to take some money to make that happen, but if we take it slow, shop for deals and negotiate on the things we can't do ourselves, I think we'll be okay.

Do we need another house?  Oh, hellz to the no.  We still have enough unfinished projects on our regular house to keep us busy for another couple lifetimes, and with a toddler and jobs and pets and friends and all the other things that keep us busy, who has the time to take on a huge project in a town hours away? 

But Mayberry is where we spend Christmas.  Michael's stocking is hung on the Mayberry mantel and that's where Santa Claus knows to find him.  Sensible people would just get a room at the Jameson Inn and be done with it, but we're not sensible folks around here.  I am a sentimental fool about some things and Christmas is one of them.  I want Tank to wake up on Christmas morning in his own bed, in his own home, surrounded by familiar sights.  I love to travel, I dearly do, but I am a homebody when it comes to Christmas.

There's another issue at work here, too.  Neither Shawn nor I have ever really discussed moving back to Mayberry.  We've spent our adult lives being the only members of our families to wander farther afield than the next county over.  That lifestyle has suited both of us.  We like making our home in new places, discovering new restaurants and shops.  But ever since we started talking about the Taj, something weird has happened; we've both started to think of it as a place to go, should we relocate to Mayberry.  When the heck did THAT get put on the table?

Anyway, here we are.  The Taj is virtually ours and a mountain of work lies ahead.  I couldn't be more excited or nervous.

Besides, the most important issue of home ownership has already been resolved:  I know exactly where the Christmas tree should go.  Everything else will come together eventually.

It was bound to happen

Well, we haven't even closed on the Taj yet, but we hit the first snag today.  That's no surprise...there are going to be many "Oh shit" moments during this process and I wasn't fool enough to think we'd emerge unscathed.

Today, I made a call to the Greater Mayberry city services number to ask about getting electrical service on and in our names.  What I wanted to know was how much of a deposit we'd need to pay.  What I did NOT want to know was that the house has to be inspected and any issues found with the electrical need to be brought up to code before permanent service can be started.

I am sure there's a list of things that have to be done to the house to bring it up to code.  When I think about how much this is going to cost, I throw up.  Just a little bit.  In the back of my mouth.

On the positive side, we are relieved to be dealing with Mayberries and not the ridiculously officious bureaucrats we tend to encounter here where I am being held prisoner delighted to live.  The woman at the city services offices did not know me from Adam's housecat, but was thrilled to hear that the Taj had been purchased and would be fixed up.  I also accidentally called the wrong number to ask about trash pickup and was on the phone for a good fifteen minutes with a very informative and friendly lady who answered every question I had, even though I'd called the county trash number instead of the city one.*  Down here, I would have been transferred as fast as three-inch fingernails could have punched the extension and promptly forgotten.  (*Note: they are actually the same company, but the city handles its own residents on behalf of the company, while the company itself manages the county residents.  Lest you think there are actually TWO trash companies in Mayberry)

Does it sound like I am being condescending toward the 'Berry?  I truly hope not.  There's a reason we're gambling a lot of money on a reno to salvage a house we'll likely only see thirty days out of any given year.  I can't put it into words exactly, but here's a story that sort of explains...

My sister the Farm Maven told me yesterday that her husband, the fabulous David, had ridden up on an elderly man who'd run his truck into a ditch near their house.  The man was shaken but unhurt and mostly concerned about getting a tow truck to pull him out of the deep ditch.  David went back to the house, got a chain and pulled the fellow out without further ado.  That's how it's done in the country.  The first truck to pass that elderly gentleman wasn't a thief or a killer; he was a hard-working man who needed to get home to supper but who probably never thought about just driving past a stranger in need.

We've got theaters down here, the ocean, appallingly expensive schools and the finest food you'll ever pay a crapload of money to eat.  I wouldn't stop to think, though, if the opportunity came to shuck it all and head back to Mayberry.  I'd just pack up and go.  And hope if the Jeep broke down, it'd be on a back road traveled by hard-working men headed home to supper.

How Does One Buy a Taj MaHell?

For those of you happily unaware of the fun-filled world of buying houses at auction, here's a brief tutorial:

Step One:  Check your auction sites!  Two that I check frequently are www.realtybid.com and www.auction.com.  Both are easy to navigate and pretty informative.  Once you find a house that interests you, check all the available information on it.  You probably won't get much, other than a few photos, an aerial view of the property and a scary warning that the home does not qualify for conventional financing.

Step Two:  If that hasn't totally scared the crap out of you, look at the bidding history.  When does the auction start, or if it has already started, has anyone bid on the property?  Some hot properties have lots of bidders right away; others may only have one or two people who bid at the very last minute.  If no one is bidding and there are several days left on the auction, you can sit tight and just watch to see what happens.  Or, you can enter a minimum bid as a fishing expedition to see if anyone outbids you.  That lets you know if someone is actively watching the same property.

Step Three:  Go get dirty.  Most auctions have open houses and the dates are listed on the auction site.  GO CHECK OUT THE PROPERTY IN PERSON.  I can't stress this enough!  Go poke around, look in and under everything and make an educated decision about the highest bid you are willing to enter.  Take lots of pictures, too!  Then go home and load them on your computer and look at them over and over.  Check out any visible damage and ALWAYS assume there is more that is not visible!  Whether you are able to personally see the property or not, it's a good idea to decide how much you can afford to put into the property and then subtract the cost of the obvious necessary repairs.  Then, subtract closing costs and internet auction fees, etc.  THEN you have an idea of your maximum bid. 

Step Four:  Bid, Baby, Bid!  Our strategy was to wait until 5 minutes before the auction ended before we even posted our initial bid.  No one bid against us and we were the high bidder.  Success!  Well, not exactly.  Because the seller's reserve wasn't met, the house went into post-auction bidding, which can last for another week.  At any time during that period, the seller can receive a better offer and go with it or simply reject your offer and walk away without selling.  In the end, we went up a little on our price and the seller came down a little on his reserve and we came to an agreement.

Step Five:  The Legal Crap.  Once you have won the auction, in most cases you'll be sent a Purchase Agreement, which is not the same as a contract.  The purchase agreement details what you are agreeing to pay for the property and your understanding of its condition and that it is being sold "as is/where is."  You'll sign that and if the seller likes the numbers, you will THEN receive a contract to sign. 

Step Six:  Now What?!  Once you have a signed contract, you'll complete the closing process and possibly take possession at closing (most auctioned homes are vacant, so this is common).  Have licensed, bonded contractors standing by to give estimates on repairs that must be done right away.


And then the real fun begins!

We have only done minor, cosmetic re-habbing, so undertaking this massive project is a terrifying thought.  We were smart not to risk more money than we had available.  We knew the house had to have a new roof, so we figured an additional $10,000 into our purchase price to make sure we stayed within the numbers we could manage.  Once we put a roof on, we can take our time with most of the other repairs, since they don't have the same potential to damage the structure.

Our time line is something like this:  the auction ended on May 11, 2011.  The next day we received a notice that we had not met the seller's reserve and we learned for the first time what that reserve was.  Over the next 2 days, we went back and forth, each side inching towards the middle.  In the end, we went up from $17,500 to $22,500 and the seller went down from $31,250 to $22,500.  We received an emailed purchase agreement, filled that out, signed and initialled everything and overnighted it to the auction site.  They in turn overnighted a copy of the agreement, along with our $2000 deposit to the seller.  The seller took several days to officially accept the purchase agreement and now we are just waiting for a contract to be sent.  Our tentative closing date is June 17th and we will take possession at closing, so auctions tend to move pretty fast!

This post is long and way too full of details, so I'll stop here and we'll cover some of the fun stuff in a later post!